Uniontown Pennsylvania Message Forums - WWW.UNIONTOWN.COM

I usually do not write about a specific topic but on this occasion I am looking for suggestions or the advice of others. I have a lifelong friend who grew up in Uniontown and after college moved out the area for a job he was offered. He was also married for several years which ended after nearly 14 years. That was nearly 10 years ago and moved back to this area to assist his family due to health problems. He has an advanced degree and works in this area. He is also involved in community involvement with children that have been abused or neglected. He is also a volunteer with several other humanitarian organizations. He embodies all the qualities that most women would find attractive. He is in his late 40's to early 50's and keeps himself in shape and is good looking for a middle age man. He would like to meet someone who shares the same values that he embraces and eventually settle down again. However, he finds it difficult to meet a woman that meets this basic criteria that does not have any psychological baggage from a past relationship. I find this true as well but many women in there mid to late 40's are so emotionally immature in the Fayette County area. My friend who cares and respects everyone usually finds it so very hard to meet someone who has put the past behind them and is willing to take a chance and move forward in their life. A case in point, this friend works for the IU1 in the Brownsville area met someone at work. She is around his age and has never been married. He considers her to be a wonderful lady who is caring and compassionate in her treatment of the kids in her charge and down to earth and genuine. He thinks the world of her and has tried so hard to get together with her after work. He does not want to carry on any type of relationship at work. She does not accept any ones phone calls, does not own a computer so the only way he can communicate with her is in person or by letter. He sent her a Christmas card and letter asking her to give him the opportunity to speak to her personally after work but she never responded to that letter in person or in writing. He will interact with her at work but only on a professional basis since he has too much respect for her and does not want to do anything to jeopardize her position at work. He has told me and others how much he truly cares about her and just wants the chance to sit and talk with her outside of work. Kim's birthday is Valentine's day so my friend sent her beautiful floral arrangment along with a very nice card and a short letter that was to be delivered today. He called me a short while ago and informed me that the florist called him and told him that Kim refused to accept the flowers. He was devastated and I and all of our mutual friends feel the same hurt that he does today. He is a good man and deserves the same respect that he gives to others. My question is why are so many women in this area so immature when it comes to men and dating. I often here them complain that all the good men are gone and its so hard to meet a good looking man who is also caring and compassionate when it comes to others. We believe that our friend was and still is in love with Kim. I heard some good things about her and want himn to find the happiness he deserves. Can anyone offer me any advice to pass on to our friend Bob?

I suspect the only problem with your friend Bob is that he doesn't know how to "play the game" that seems to be the socially accepted method for meeting women in our area.

Plain and simple: Most local women (at first) like the guys who treat them the worst. Granted there are the "few" who are most old fashioned who don't play these games, but by and large most women are this way, although they won't admit it, or even claim the opposite. They don't want the guy they know they can have. The fact that Bob is going the conventional honorable route and that isn't working tells me that this woman is not the old fashioned type and has been conditioned by our local society to like the "bad guys".

It's a shame because Bob may have blown his chances already. Sadly, Bob needed to instead find out the type of guys that her and her friends admire, and be one of them. Note that this is probably a totally different type of guy she "Says" she wants, she herself might not even know she's doing it.

I know this is sad but that's what people are like nowadays.

For starters, he needs to stop holding open doors for her, offering to buy her coffee, all those sorts of things. Matter of fact, if I were Bob, I'd purposely make efforts to do the opposite, like leave just ahead of her and purposely and clearly NOT hold the door for her. When she asks questions, say things like "whatever" and blow her off. Doing "nothing" is not enough.

He needs to look selfish, kinda like smoking a cigar that bothers others and not caring about it, or having a loud motorcycle because "he" likes it and he couldn't care less what others think. Makes him look strong, independent, and strangely successful. Hard to describe, but that's what Bob needs to do for the type of women that don't like the sincere honest approach.